Sinking In

Amid the excitement, nervousness, worry and joy of the last 48 hours, this wonderful blessing is sinking in. We are really going to adopt a son from Ethiopia and I am going to be his Dad!

I don't know if this makes any sense, but it was almost like I wasn't prepared. I should have been. We have only been notarizing documents, filing reports, standing in long government office lines, waiting for next stages, talking to our adoption agency and updating supportive friends and family on our progress for the better part of 9 months, but the reality of our son still felt so far away and unknown. And yet in an instant, I found myself hanging up the phone with Leah and driving home to see pictures of the little boy who will call me Dad and who will depend on me to teach him how to me a man and how to navigate life. He will be intertwined in every aspect of my existence until I am gone.

I don't mind admitting that my initial reaction to the fact that we were getting a referral was joy mixed with fear. I was excited that our wait was over, but wondering if I was ready. Maybe only Dads can understand this, but my role seems so clear with my girls. Love them, cherish them, spend time with them, invest in them, tell them they are beautiful inside and out and make sure they know everyday that they are loved and cherished by their father on earth and their Father in heaven. Becoming a woman and all that entails will really be Leah's job with me on the side.

However, my role as a father to a son seems so unclear. It will be a lot of the same things as with my girls to make sure he knows that his Dad loves him and is in his corner at all times. But, to teach my son the nuances of being a man, knowing how to help him see the truth versus the lies about who he really is. That is that kind of stuff that makes me feel like I am being sent out to play a game I know almost nothing about.

But that was before and now this wonderful news and the God of the universe is changing my heart of unknowns into a heart filled with a deep and abiding joy that I have only known a few times in my life. I can't wait to hug my little boy, to play rough with him and to be his partner in a house of girls. I open his picture up on my computer almost every hour and I can't wait to look into his big brown eyes and tell him that he is not abandoned anymore.